I’m presently “mallrooned”.
My better half and her female accomplices are perusing Lenox Mall. Like others who have grown weary of the Mall, I have found sanctuary in a pleather chair outside of Macy’s.
Armed with my blackberry and a grande-ly overpriced Cafe Americana from Starbucks, I observe:
- Mall security guards appear considerably less menacing whilst riding Segway scooters. It doesn’t help any that they have to wear goofy bike helmets. Regardless, I’m jealous as said Segways look like a ton of nerdy fun.
- I still fail to understand the style of certain teenagers and urbanites. I’m specifically referring to clothing that is 2-3 sizes too big, flashy, and/or hats with unshaped bills, still sporting their mirror-finish marketing stickers. Is this an attempt to imply that said hat is “new”? Isn’t the overly baggy clothing cumbersome to move around in? Is this merely a difference in aesthetic taste or something indicative of some greater difference in fundamental philosophy? Am I getting old?
- Consumers in Buckhead Atlanta are still shopping in droves. Or at least acting the part.
- Banana Republic is hurting – big, big sales going on (additionally, I am getting sales announcement emails from them on a weekly basis now).
- Cargo shorts and flipflops: still stylish for men. So thinks this blogger, anyway. Yes, I am wearing cargo shorts and flipflops.
- Is it sunny in here? Nothing says “poser” louder than wearing sunglasses indoors. Doubly so in a mall. Multiply by five if said sunglasses have a mirror finish with a chrome or gold frame.
- I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but I’m guessing that the backpacked, brochure carrying, camera toting Asian family is not from around here. Particlarly the guy carrying the white leather purse (?) with the perma-smile on his face.
- It’s cool for southern boys to wear pastels. Even cooler still when you double up and go for the “twin pink polo shirt” look. With your dad. With your pastel yellow Masters baseball cap. Whispy blonde bangs and pastel blue-polo-wearing-brother, optional.
- Better still, go to the mall with your girlfriend. Wear matching teal tshirts – one saying “Fitch” and the other saying “Abercrombie”. Then, round out the look with matching rhinestone belt buckles. Complete the look by wearing your sunglasses indoors.
- And that’s as much as I can handle.
Now how do I hijack that Segway?